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Originally published in Group, Vol. 18, Number 1, Spring 1994 New York: Brunner/Mazel, Inc. This paper looks at the phenomenon of competition in group psychotherapy. The universal proscriptions against competition, as a derivative of greed, envy, and jealousy are explored, along with competition’s concomitant defenses. Competition is viewed as particularly conflictual for women because of its aggressive components, which are experienced as “unfeminine” and threatening to relationships. Healthy and destructive manifestations of competition are described. Countertransference pitfalls are outlined, and clinical examples are offered to underscore the importance of addressing competition directly in group psychotherapy. Competition is a universal group phenomenon. Women experience competition very differently than men do. It is the aggressive, destructive component of competition that arouses so much discomfort, especially in women. This article explores both the healthy and destructive ways in which competition is manifested and addressed in group psychotherapy and illustrates gender differences through clinical examples. The pronoun “she” will be used in a general context throughout to avoid confusion. The word competition stems from the Latin words com and petere meaning to seek together. Webster’s (Guralnik, 1968) defines the verb compete as 1) to strive in opposition, to vie; 2) to participate (in a contest). The word competence also stems from the same root. The word competition has often taken on more negative connotations than is suggested in the dictionary definition. This is due in part to its connection to greed, envy and jealous. Melanie Klein (1957) has offered useful definitions of these terms in her theory of normal infant development. Greed is an impetuous and insatiable craving, exceeding what the subject needs and what the object is able and willing to give. Envy is defined as an angry feeling that another person possesses and enjoys something desirable—the envious impulse is to take it away and spoil it. jealousy is based on envy, and is concerned with the love the subject feels is his or her due and has been taken away. Envy and competition are different, yet clearly intimately related. Competition derives from envy, and may also give rise to it, but may not always involve envy. Competition does not necessarily imply ill will, though it may, as in “the killer instinct.” Examples of competition for perceived limited blessings are woven throughout human myth. Greed, envy and competition caused son to slay father (Zeus and Cronus) and brother to slay brother (Cain and Abel). In Greek mythology, those that claimed equality with the gods were severely punished. Duncan (1987) notes that there are few images in literature of daughters killing their mothers. She states that the absence of competitive daughters in literature speaks to a taboo of the wish to outdistance mother. Those that kill the evil powers are men (sons), children, or animals. No wonder it is so difficult for our patients (especially our women patients) to deal with their feelings of greed, envy, and competition. They are deadly sins. Envy can hurt or kill both those that envy and the envied. Let us look now to the ways competition is dealt with in the psychoanalytic literature. For Freud (1905), competition is rooted in the Oedipus complex. The child competes with the same sex parent for possession of the other, opposite-sex parent. The child must give up something to get something else. For the boy, this is predicated upon castration anxiety. For the girl, this is the result of her discovery of the anatomical differences between the sexes. She is “shocked” and disappointed in her own, and by extension, her mother’s lack of a penis, and looks then to her father as a love object. This is resolve, according to Freud, when her longing for a penis is replaced by her longing for a baby, especially a male baby who will provide the penis. Melanie Klein (1957) found the seeds of competition earlier in the envy of the breast. This she viewed as constitutional. The infant is said to wish to possess what is good (the breast) and to want to destroy the object for withholding the good. The infant is terrified of his or her own destructive impulses and resulting persecutory anxiety. The infant’s enjoyment and consequent gratitude helps to mitigate the destructive impulses of greed and envy. According to Klein, envy leads to jealousy—there ensues a rivalry with father who has taken away the mother’s breast. Thus, Klein sees the father (and his penis) as appendage to mother, and it is on these grounds that the girl wants to rob her mother of him. Neither Freud nor Klein takes into account developmental differences due to gender. Karen Horney (1926) on the other hand, views competition as a cultural response to an individualistic, competitive society, as well as a defense against anxiety. Horney and the other early female analysts noted that, indeed, penis envy does exist normally, on the basis of the boy having something the girl doesn’t, just as envy of the breasts exists in both boys and girls (Thompson, 1943, 1950). A stronger penis envy may develop as a defensive response—the penis symbolizing males’ greater position of value and power in this society. More recently, theorists (Gilligan, 1982; Miller, 1982; Zilbach et al., 1979) have spoken about different developmental lines for males and females in the perception of aggression, affiliation, and separation. Women’s discomfort with competition as an expression of unfeminine aggressive strivings is well documented (Horner, 1972). Miller (1982) reports that women are most comfortable using their power in the service of others. Women’s identity as nurturers does not allow for “self-determined power” (i.e., that which is not enhancing others), which is equated with selfishness. Surrey’s (1987) model of “mutual empowerment” rejects the notion of women’s innate aggression or self-serving agency. In contrast, Zilbach (1987) offers the notion of “active engulfment” as a reflection of primary core femininity, equivalent to the masculine concept of the phallus, with its accompaniments of drive and power. DEFENSES AGAINST COMPETITION Because competitive feelings and the proscriptions against them are so powerful for both sexes, they may occur in disguised forms. When competition is not acknowledged, it may be enacted, though it may be neutral or benign when dealt with up front. In group treatment, it is the role of the therapist to help the group to recognize competition for what it is. Some of the defenses against competition and clinical examples from group treatment of each are discussed in the following sections. Idealization and Devaluation of the Self Idealization may be used to ward off excessive envious or competitive feelings, which are experienced as being intolerable. In the early phases of an ongoing psychotherapy group, negative feelings towards the therapist were consistently denied. The therapist’s vacations were greeted with “You deserve the time off, you work so hard.” The therapist consistently invited the group to express negative feelings toward her, which allowed the group over time to deal more honestly with their feelings of envy and competition, as well as their real feelings of admiration. Idealization of fellow group members also needs to be challenged. In an ongoing psychotherapy group, the male members expressed great admiration for Paul, who appeared to be the most able to articulate the difficult, often “unspeakable” feelings for the group. The group’s idealization of Paul’s ability kept them from confronting Paul about using this capacity to defend against intimacy in the group. As group members came to resent Paul’s taking up time in the group with his monologues, they began to confront Paul more, as well as to address their own unspeakable feelings, including the desire for more attention in the group. Devaluation of the self is connected to idealization. If the object is seen as perfect, how can the subject possibly measure up? The concept of projective identification is clarifying here. Horney (1937) supplies an example of a woman who is drawn to a “more successful” man as a way of participating in his success. The resentment at giving up one’s own ambition gradually becomes expressed in an insidious disparaging attitude. Klein (1957) states that by devaluing one’s own gifts, one can both deny envy and punish oneself for it. Clinical Examples: Jeanine, a young woman seen in both individual and group therapy, is intelligent and talented. She has felt stuck in a job that she has performed competently for a number of years. Mother gave up her job to have her, and father worked at the same company until his retirement. He viewed highly educated professionals as “high falutin.” Jeanine expresses much guilt over wanting more. Model (1984) speaks of the unconscious fantasy that “good” is a concrete substance in limited supply. To have good means that others are deprived. Jeanine fears that having more (materially and otherwise) would be viewed by her parents as saying to them, “you’re not good enough” (something she in fact feels, but finds intolerable). Wanting more, and expressing that through her actions (success) makes her feel “mean.” In group, Jeanine also does not ask for much. In contrast, Anthony, a male member from a similar working class background, expresses great pride in regard to his financial success, particularly in regard to having exceeded the achievements of his parents. He does not fear rejection as a consequence of success. Devaluation of the Object In its extreme form, we see the process of devaluation in our narcissistic patients, but it also appears in more subtle forms. McWilliams and Stein (1987) speak of the devaluing transferences in their women’s group, which are often couched as maternal or sisterly concern. Clinical Example: In a mixed gender group led by a female therapist at a clinic, a change in agency policy led to a restructuring of the fee scale (and consequently a change in the contract originally offered the group). The group’s anger was directed toward the agency, rather than toward the leader. The female therapist was viewed, with them, as another victim of the corporation. One female member of the group stated, “well, I never saw you as very strong anyway.” It is unclear whether the group’s response might have been different with a male leader. Withdrawing from the Competition Finally, one may withdraw entirely from the competition in order to avoid the discomfort of aggressive, competitive feelings. Clinical Example: Pat, a married woman in her 30’s, comes from a very disturbed family. Her brother was psychotic, and her parents were alternately abusive and neglectful. Pat has periods in her life when she has been quite successful, at one point owning her own business. Her success was followed by periods of severe depression and anxiety, precipitating several hospitalizations. She is funny, articulate, intelligent, and very engaging. In group, Pat reports feelings of hatred towards her parents. She is, on the one hand, the most successful one in her family, and she has a view of herself as being very strong, given what she’s endured. She has viewed both the female therapist and a female member of the group as “weak.” On the other hand, she sets herself apart from the group by stating that no one can really understand her, since no one is as sick as she is. She has a fantasy that her life has meaning when “others can look at me and feel good about themselves.” In this way, she does not let herself achieve in the world, or get better. This offsets her guilt about being the only one of her siblings who isn’t crazy. In the group, she views herself as both stronger and sicker. MANIFESTATIONS OF COMPETITION IN GROUP THERAPY How groups deal with issues of competition depends on the group dynamics, as well as on what individual members bring into the group. Time is a limited resource in the group for which group members may compete. In one long-term group with sporadic attendance, members talked about feeling more intimate with fewer members in attendance. One member expressed the need to make sure that everyone got their time, which was more likely with the absence of others. Early in the group, members are invested in being supportive of each other, in finding commonalities. There is an attempt to minimize differences and potential areas of conflict in order to foster group cohesion. Dependency conflicts are worked on vis-à-vis the group’s relations to the leader. Alonso and Rutan (1979) note that women in particular tend to defer in struggles for time and power in the group, as is evident in such phrases as “I could use the time, if no one else needs it.” Early groups are often characterized by excessive politeness. There is a preoccupation with fairness, in terms of giving people equal time, sometimes to the point of wanting to create rules about the time, or a gallant deferring to other members who “need it more.” Alonso states that those taking more time are often resented and sometimes attacked. Women and men may view this confrontation differently; with women fearing it means loss of connection, and with men experiencing it as a way of connecting. The longings for attention, and disappointment at its absence, are first directed toward the leader, and later can be directed toward each other. The group, in a sense, begins anew as each new member is added (Rutan and Stone, 1984). Clinical Example: In the
early stages of a long-term psychotherapy group, the members began to struggle
with questions of whether the group could be helpful. Shortly thereafter, a new
male member, Barney, joined the group and told them of numerous recent crises
that brought him to the group. Sam, a man who had been quite reticent about
sharing his own feelings in the group, talked about feeling his problems were
insignificant in comparison. In the next session, Sam talked about “chucking it
in,” not being sure what he was getting from the group. When the therapist
asked what was missing, he began to struggle with his passivity and difficulty
knowing or stating his needs. While usually passive in expressing his own
needs, Sam was generally the first to notice or comment when other members did
not talk or “have their quota” in the group. Sam’s longings for more (time,
attention) got displaced onto other group members. There may be a temptation
in the group to allow one (willing) member to express all of the competitive
feelings for the group. Clinical Example: Paul,
the second to last member to come in to a long-term psychotherapy group,
exemplifies this tendency. Paul, a man in his 40’s, with a number of
narcissistic issues, entered the group with a bang. In his fifth group session,
Paul talked very dramatically and provocatively about sexual issues, including
sexual fantasies about some of his fellow group members. Throughout the
monologue, which the group did not interrupt, Paul became increasingly excited.
Toward the end of the session, the men complained of Paul’s taking over the
group. Paul stated, “you’re grownups. If you want the time, fight for it!” While Paul was certainly
enacting many of his narcissistic struggles concerning greed, envy, and
competition, his need to monopolize the time in the group served to cover an
unexpressed and unconscious sense of worthlessness. At the same time, he
enacted for the group, the feelings of greed and longing that others found
intolerable in themselves. They attacked him in the same way they kept their
own greedy feelings under wraps. Longings of group members for more from each other
or from the leader may not be stated for fear of seeming greedy or not feeling
deserving. An interpretation by the leader that Paul was expressing these
feelings for the group allowed members to begin to address their own longings
rather than attack Paul for his. The issue of who gets what
of the limited resources available may be amplified when group members are also
seen individually by the group therapist. Clinical Example: In
another long-term psychotherapy group, Christine took several months to divulge
to the group that the group leader was also her individual therapist. When
another of the leader’s individual patients was brought into the group a year
later, she was shocked at this woman’s ability to talk so matter-of-factly
about being in individual therapy with the group leader. Once, following a group
session in which she had been particularly passionate and effective in
confronting a group member, Christine began an individual meeting by asking,
“Do you like me?” She wondered how the therapist would feel about her saying
things to her fellow group members that the therapist might have said. She
feared the therapist’s disapproval of her competence. There followed a period
where she again affectively withdrew during the group. Clinical Example: In contrast, Donald took great pleasure and pride in
his “co-therapist” role in the group. Neither he nor the group questioned
whether it was appropriate for him to confront his fellow group members.
Neither did he question whether his competence would interfere with the group’s
regard for him. It is a particularly female fear that expressions of competence
or excellence would result in the withdrawal of affection of others. GROUP RESPONSES TO THE
THERAPIST’S GENDER Gender issues may be
expressed in different reactions to male and female therapists. In a
demonstration group on the topic of competition, the group viewed the female
leader as a father figure. It may have felt safer to view the therapist as a
man than to deal with their aggressive feelings towards her as a woman. Similarly, in a different
demonstration group, the sole male member initially denied any feelings of
competition toward the leader (as opposed to the women of the group who openly
acknowledged a wish to be in the leader’s chair). The male member stated that
he could not view the female leader as a contender in any way (females being
inherently less than…). While it is perhaps rare for such statements to be
uttered so bluntly these days, it is not at all unusual for women’s competence
to be questioned in more subtle ways, by both men and women. This can be seen
in the previous examples of Christine and Donald, as well as in the following
example. A female and a male
therapist led a demonstration group sequentially. The differences in quality of
affect in the same group of people with the two leaders were striking. In the
first session, led by a woman, some of the women became vulnerable quite early
and were responded to supportively by the men. Competition between the women
for the attention of the men and the leader was acknowledged with smiles at
each other—as if to make sure that the other women wouldn’t throw one another
off the stage. When the male leader
replaced the female, the increase in excitement level in the group was palpable.
The men began testing each other against the male leader, and the women, who
had initially been more active (in a vulnerable way), now sat back. The women
reported feeling unable to break into the men’s conversation (and there were
only two male members!) The same men in the first group were more nurturing. In the ensuing discussion,
the agency, power, and authority were projected upon the male group leader. The
group debated the female leader’s activity level. This discussion did not take
place about the male group leader. So, there was a noticeable difference both
in how members competed with each other and the leader and in whether the
members viewed the female leader as a “contender” or a threat. This kind of subtle
denigration of the female leader has been explored by McWilliams and Stein
(1987). In their view, the devaluation of the female leader serves to protect
against the anxiety of the (female) leader’s malevolent power. The fear of the
preoedipal mother is transformed into denigration. Thus, in the above example,
it was important for the (female) leader to tolerate the anger of the group
while continuing to assert her own authority in the group. DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN
HEALTHY AND DESTRUCTIVE COMPETITION Competition becomes and
feels destructive when it is tied to severe narcissistic disturbances—when the
person must win at all costs and cannot tolerate others winning also. The
competition becomes life and death. Racism and hate crimes perpetrated by
individuals and groups who express the fear that “outsiders” will take
something away from them may be viewed as examples of destructive competition. In a group therapy
setting, competition can feel more dangerous than it is. Feelings, in and of
themselves, are not necessarily hurtful. The question is how these feelings
become enacted, and, of course, the less these feelings are expressed, the more
likely they are to be enacted harmfully. Clinical Example: In an
ongoing psychotherapy group for men and women, the members spent some time
comparing notes about their experiences in college. A male group member
mentioned the name of the ivy league school he attended, and was promptly
confronted by a female member for “bragging.” This led to a lively and useful
discussion in the group about what it meant to share one’s achievements with
each other. Doing so left one open to others’ feelings of envy and competition.
As these feelings were talked about more openly, the feelings of shame
associated with them decreased. Competition can become
more destructive when it is denied. Feelings of unworthiness may keep group
members from taking time for themselves in the group, and from offering
feedback that may be useful to other members (for fear they have nothing to
offer). When a number of group members struggle with this, the resulting
politeness can lead to dishonesty and deadness in the group process. The role
of the therapist, then, is to invite competition, to question members’ feelings
of having nothing to offer, and to help them examine the origins of those
feelings, as well as the impact they have now. Healthy competition is
expressed in a group when members: 1) are able to ask for and take the time
they need in the group; 2) do not shy away from offering their feedback to
others; 3) are able to openly express their desires and ambitions without
fearing reprisal; and 4) can talk about their feelings of envy and greed
without enacting them. COUNTERTRANSFERENCE
CONSIDERATIONS In competition, as in
other areas, the female therapist may struggle with countertransference, either
in response to the patient’s transferences or to her own competitive strivings.
In response to idealization in the transference, the therapist can be seduced
into reinforcing the positive, and avoiding the competitive, envious feelings
the patient may feel. Similarly, a male therapist may struggle with his own
archaic fears of aggressive women, or unconscious needs to have them remain in
a passive position. If the therapist colludes in avoiding these feelings, they
become more split off from the patient and the therapy. In response to
devaluation, the female therapist may buy into the group’s characterization of
her as being deficient in order to avoid being envied. It is important for the
therapist to recognize her importance to the group and her power in the group.
A therapist’s comfort with her own power, authority, and competence can serve
as a model for patients, as well as make it safe for patients to explore their
own competitive feelings—with the therapist and with each other. A therapist who is not
comfortable with her own and others’ competitive strivings may have difficulty
allowing these to surface openly in the room. This may be expressed in concerns
around equality or in her (in) ability to be challenged by group members. Competition may be played
out with a patient over the correctness of an interpretation. In our desire to
be brilliant, we may try to beat a patient to the punch in figuring something
out, rather than wait for the patient to come to his or her own understanding.
Or, we me try to force an interpretation on someone who doesn’t want it, or for
whom it isn’t true. Finally, the therapist may
covet a patient’s own unique qualities, capacities, or material possessions. It
is important for us to be aware of our own feelings, so they do not get enacted
in a destructive way with the patient. SUMMARY We have seen that
competition is related to greed, envy, and jealousy, and, as such, has tended
to be feared, avoided, and repressed. This tendency is true especially for
women, where the aggressive, competitive strivings are perceived as unfeminine,
and are feared to result in the loss of relationship to others. We have looked
at both the healthy and destructive ways that competition and lack of
competition have been manifested in groups; and we have underscored the
importance of addressing competition directly in group psychotherapy. |
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